The Story of Carter (aka my battle with God for control)

Let me start with this.  Even with my months, no years of planning for this child, he was still a complete surprise.  Which I think is the way God likes it!

Ok I’ll rewind a bit.  In college I lived with 3 amazing girls and 3 of us got engaged within 6 weeks of each other, and got married within 7 weeks of each other.  And everyone’s money was on me to get pregnant within the first year.  And had I been a less responsible, obsessive planner type, it definitely would have happened.  Because above all else I have wanted to be a mom my whole life (and Louis feels the same about being a dad).  But we lived in Abilene for a few months while Louis finished school and had $0, and then moved to Dallas and Louis started his career and it didn't take too long to pay off our debt, but still we were married for 2 years before I had a full time job and was making actual money.  So our plans were delayed because I wanted to work for a certain amount of time (2-3 years) and have a certain amount of debt (0) and savings (as much as possible) before we brought a baby into the world.

Fast forward to Fall 2010.  I’ve just started teaching but I can see that a baby is now nearer to a possibility so I began talking to my endocrinologist about what that would take.  And in order to get his permission (yes permission), I had to have an A1c close to or less than 6.5 (average blood sugar of 150 or less).  So Summer 2011 I got the fancy glucose sensor, and got off the pill and at some point early that fall, the doc said, “it could be better but if you were pregnant right now it wouldn’t be bad”.  Which I heard as “GO!”, so we started trying.  But it wasn’t that easy since my cycle is super affected by stress, which I was because of school, and then even more so by the fact that getting pregnant wasn’t as easy as “16 & Pregnant” made it seem.  

Fast forward to March/Spring Break 2012.  I go to the ob/gyn and show her my charting and temp taking and what a mess this baby making was for us.  She agrees that it shouldn’t be this difficult for me, and she was going to run blood work, and barring anything coming up weird, start me on clomid.  If clomid didn’t do the trick for us within a couple of months, she was going to send me to a reproductive endocrinologist (with my diabetes she wasn’t going to mess around).  First off I had to get my current cycle to end (at this point 6 weeks long) & a new one to start, so she put me on progesterone to kick start it.  I did my research on both drugs, and found good info.  One thing that I read that stuck with me is someone who said that back in the day, if you took progesterone and got your period, then you weren’t pregnant, and if you took it and still didn’t get it, then you must be pregnant.  Sort of a weird pregnancy test.  Anyway, after confirming that my blood work looked normal and I still had not ovulated as of that Monday afternoon at the doctor’s, I started the progesterone, with the expectation of getting my period in 8-12 days.  8…9…10…11…12 days pass.  And nothing.  And I remember what I read.  And told Louis to go fish around in the bathroom and find a test.  And I laughed when it said “pregnant”.  Laughed.  Like Sarah.  We should have named this kid Isaac.

After all the trouble I went through- tried to make a plan, control the situation, and do it my way, God said nope, “I got this”.  Which he always does.  April of sophomore year of college?  I decided to stop worrying about never having a boyfriend and aim for Vanderbilt, where I could specialize in voice disorders.  (A very wise roommate told me that God would not have put the desire to be a wife and mother on my heart if he didn’t intend to make it so, something that has stuck with me for 6 years!)  May of that year I randomly applied and got a job at Chili's (which is SO out of my character to do something spontaneous and potentially scary) and met Louis, a boy whom I soon realized I couldn’t leave for Tennessee!  And my plan changed.  For the better.  And the same with baby boy.  And the doc can’t explain how it happened either.  On every sonogram I’ve had but one (so 5/6) he has measured the same, due on 12/3, which a predicted conception date of Monday, 3/12… the day I went to the ob/gyn to complain and figure out a plan.  The day I had bloodwork done that said I wasn’t ovulating.  What?!

I sometimes complain to myself or Louis that I don’t understand God, I don’t get why He and I can’t be on the same page about somethings, about how I don’t understand how some people never seem to be challenged and others are constantly being challenged and I’m somewhere in the middle (14 years of diabetes makes me a little bitter but still aware that I have it pretty darn good).  BUT then I look at my husband, and down at my belly which is stretching the buttons on this shirt, and think about my family, and even my sweet puppy dog, and my church family, and the job that has taught me more things than lessons  I taught, and I am so glad that God and I aren’t on the same page.  Can you imagine what your life would be like if you had planned it?  Would it be as good?  Mine wouldn’t!  I might have more money and a bigger closet but it would be lacking in so much else.  And those challenges?  I am thankful for those too, because although situations have not always come out like I wanted, I have learned from every single thing.  I hope that if you are challenged you accept that God is strengthening and molding you, and if you aren’t challenged, that you try to learn from others!  (And let’s be honest, there is always somebody who is “worse off”, so we all have a lesson to learn.)  And I hope that if you are like me, and struggling with God for control of your life, you allow him to take the reins a little more, because it is a much more scenic ride when he does!

Randomness

I thought for a fun way to kick off my return to the blogosphere, I would give you a list of 25 random thoughts/facts.

1. Foremost on my mind these days is the fact that in 18-20 weeks I will have a child.  Like I’ll be waking up every couple of hours to feed him and changing hundreds of diapers.  Really?  I still don’t think it has really sunk in.
   
2. His name is Carter Nicholas.  Carter because it’s a name we both really liked, and there are some good Carter’s out there.  My favorites being John Truman Carter III (Noah Wylie’s character on ER) and Carter Kane (from Rick Riordan’s YA Fiction Series), and Louis’ being Dwayne Michael Carter, Jr (aka Lil Wayne) and Joe Carter (World Series MVP).  Nicholas is Louis’ middle name and since I “convinced” him that having a Louis Nicholas III wasn’t the best, I decided I had to use part of Lou’s name.
3. Part of me finalizing Carter was reading Rick Riordan’s latest book and realizing that Carter Kane’s little sister’s name is Sadie.  Coincidence? I think not!
4. I have 2 friends due the same week as me, one due two weeks after, and another a month later.  Apparently we all had the same idea in March!
5. Carter’s due date is 12/3/12, but he will probably arrive somewhere between November 5th-19th due to my “Class C Diabetic” status.  Kind of scary that things could get hairy in November, but I am glad that my diabetes means that I’ve already gotten to see him 5 times through sonograms and will have countless more to watch and be sure he is growing properly.
6. I will be 26 in a couple weeks.  Weird. 
7. With a summer birthday I had 2 or 3 pool parties... for the kid who sunburns in 10 minutes.  And now I avoid sun like the plague and tell myself it’s to avoid wrinkles.
8. As of this summer I have been out of college as long as I was in college.  Weird.
9. Louis and I have been married for 1,423 days.  Wow.  My parents have been married for 10,643 days.  WOW.  Can’t wait til we hit the 10,000 day mark on Christmas 2035. (!) (And let’s be real, I can wait!)
10. Louis and I want 4 kids.  But as a friend remarked last night, “Let’s see if we like this one first!”
11. I have the best parents in the universe (they’re going to be getting a lot of calls for advice in the coming years!) and I am very much my parents child.  There is hardly an original thing about me ;)  some things from Daddy: stubborn, mathematical, fine hair, my feet, appreciation for how things work; from Momma: emotional, bookworm, fair skin, sweet tooth, my love for antiques and country music.
12. I have two younger sisters and Louis has three younger brothers.  We are both classic oldest siblings, so we are both stubborn, bossy, know-it-alls who expect to get our way.  We're working on it...
13. My sisters are my best friends.  Louis is great, but the night before a wedding I have to text one of them for advice on which dress to wear, and they’re the ones helping me pick nursery furniture and crib bedding.  Kara, Macy, and I made a plan long ago to live next door to each other and my mom and have kids at the same time.  I still plan on fulfilling my part of the deal!
14. Speaking of sisters, you know those 4 kids we want?  I want two of each (which hopefully God & I are on the same page about J), because I want Carter to have a brother, but I also want him to have a sister, and she needs a sister too.  Make sense?
15. I love Pinterest.  I’m not as obsessed as some people, but I’ve been a faithful member for a long while, even before it was cool (since my aforementioned awesome sisters are always on the up & up on what will be cool).  And now my goal is to put all those pinned recipes, crafts, patterns, ideas, tips to good use.  After we get back from our roadtrip I’m going to plan a week of only pinterest inspired food & activities.
16. And speaking of our roadtrip, Louis and I are going on a 10 day (!) roadtrip from July 9th to 19th.  It will be a fun trip!  Hopefully I’ll still love my husband by the end :)
    
17. I have never been to any of those cities or states or seen the Pacific Ocean or a proper mountain, so I am happy to cross a bunch of things off my bucket list!
18. My summer TV faves: Suits, Rookie Blue, SYTYCD, and White Collar.
19. My favorite books this summer…  Ha like I can pick a favorite.  I’m pretty sure I’ve already read 15+ books in the last 4 weeks, with a nice stack still waiting for me!  I’m a reader.  Probably unlike anyone else you know.  Nothing makes me happier or more relaxed.  And I don’t do Kindle/Nook unless I just have to or I can find good free stuff.  I like having a book in my hands and shelves full of them just waiting to be reread.
20. I can sew, crochet, and knit, and next I would like to learn to quilt.  I know how to piece it, just not the actual quilting part.
21. Things I collect: crosses, dishes, books, clothes.  Ok collect might be the wrong verb but I do have a lot of all of those things.
22. Best compliment I can remember receiving: “I think if I had kids and I had to trust someone else to take care of them, it would be you.”  And that friend may not even remember saying that but it stuck with me as a good representation of who I am, what is truly most important to me, and who I want to be!
23. Second best compliment I ever received: “You remind me of Rory Gilmore.”  Not only is Alexis Bledel beautiful, Rory is a smart, sarcastic, quick witted, and well-read lady.  Girl after my own heart.
24. I’m kind of obsessed with my puppy dog.  Though to be clear, I don’t know anyone who has met her and not loved her (if they were a dog person).  She is very calm, well mannered, and very sweet.  She loves sitting up on her hind feet, laying in the sun, getting her ears or belly rubbed, and napping on every cushioned surface in the house.  I’ve seen her with a few small kids and she has always been gentle and has taken their ear or tail tugging in stride.  I know she is going to be so good with baby Carter!
    
25. My goal in life is to be the ultimate mom.  Note: not the cool mom.  Basically I want to be like my mom.  I never thought she was “cool”, but looking back, I know she did everything for us and gave us everything.  We had the best Halloween costumes, best birthday parties at home, home cooked meals.  She helped out at school and with Girl Scouts, and at church in Bible Hour, VBS, and small groups.  If I had ever played a sport I know she would have been out there with a cooler of CapriSuns and oranges cheering us on and trying to learn the rules to T-ball.  She taught me responsibility and work ethic, manners, how to treat other people, how to read!, how to sew, to love and value myself, to make and strive for high goals, and how to quietly love and trust in God.

First Day of School

This is something I created (based off of something I had but couldn't use in its current format) for my kiddos to complete next Monday.  Kind of a fun get-to-know-you / survey / questionnaire activity.  What do you remember about your first days of school?  I mostly remember school supplies and a new outfit...

Progress

What's new with the Palacios pair?  Well in the last couple of weeks I have done quite a bit toward making the house ours!  (with more to come in the near future!)

We got a new dishwasher, stove, and microwave (which we are installing tonight):

 

I put together a couple of dvd shelves from ikea and added them to our existing bookshelves and then rearranged and reorganized them so now they look like this:

And no I'm not showing you the rest of the study yet because as a result of the reorganization project the rest of the room is now a disaster... and I have two other bookshelves that aren't shown because like the OCD librarians daughter I am the books are arranged by type (children's upstairs, all non-fiction textbook type materials are next to the desk, and this is mostly fiction).  Louis is lucky I didn't take the time to alphabetize them like I did in high school...

And I got this table and set it up to be our mail center in the entry way.  There isn't enough color here so I'm going to move that welcome sign to another table (that we don't own yet) and add a colorful vase with some flowers I think.  And maybe add some color to the bottom shelf.  I don't know yet, I'm trying to use what I already have and not buy a ton of stuff unless I have to.

And last, but most importantly, I got my CGM today (not July 13th, thank the Lord)!

You are looking at my stomach, and a whole lot of tape!  She seemed very worried that I would knock it off or something.  The gray part is bigger than a quarter, but smaller than a half dollar, and there is a little tube (called a canula) that is sticking inside me to withdraw a small amount of blood at all times.  I will wear this until Tuesday, at which point they will take it and download all of my BG readings.  I'm not positive but I think the way they use this information is to convince the insurance company that I need it and that they should pay for it. =)  Thanks to Jeanne from Medtronic (the company that produces this little wonder) for loaning me her sample CGM and hurrying this process along!

We're camping this weekend so I'm sure I'll have some entertaining stories for my next blog!  Louis has only been one other time and this place doesn't even have a spigot or electrical hookups at the campsites, so this will be a pretty rough addition to his camping education...

Diabetes Rant

Are you ready?

Now I am an *ahem* passionate (some say opinionated) person, and if I am comfortable with you, I am not shy about sharing. I can be rude, but I try so so hard to keep my emotions in check. Part of my problem is that I consider myself a very intelligent and knowledgeable person. Another part is that I am an "old soul" (as my mother put it), so while others look at me and see an almost-25-year-old, I feel much older and wiser than that (or at least more so than the average 25yo). I do not appreciate being spoken down to- nothing riles me up faster.

Today at the endocrinologist's (diabetes dr) office, I met with the new dietitian to discuss duh, my diet, and we talked about what I can do better. I need to eat 7g protein with every meal, I need to eat more fiber (and then subtract any amount greater than 5g from the total carbohydrates), I need to eat more vegetables (but not like corn or potatoes), I need to eat less processed food, I need to eat less empty carbs (sorry pringles), I need to reach for a kashi bar instead of a chips ahoy when I'm hungry, the list went on and on. Louis does not know what he's in for, because if I'm eating this way, so will he!

At the end I tell her that I'm interested in getting a CGM (Continuous Glucose Monitor). This is something that will check my blood sugar or blood glucose (BG) 24 hours a day so I will always know what my BG is and which direction it's going. I feel like I'm going to need to write another post to explain all the ins and outs of diabetes, but for now know that my target BG is 90-120. My average is 160, and we're aiming for an average of <150. 3 months ago my average BG was 200. I've done a lot of work, but there are still times when my BG is 300, and times when it's 30 (neither of which are ok). Anyway she says ok, lets sign you up for the pre-test, which basically involves wearing a CGM for a few days to see if you're a good candidate. EXCEPT they only put them on on Wednesdays at 3. AND they take them off Mondays at 3. BUT the next available date is July 13th.

I get a little anxious because that's a month away and at least a whole 'nother month that I am "uncontrolled". And I get a little teary eyed (everything about this disease is emotional for me) and then she tells me, "It's ok, we have plenty of time. We can get it there, you just have to work a little harder." Now I know she meant well and was trying to comfort me, but really?!? I would like to talk to someone who actually has diabetes for a minute and get some actual encouragement and feedback. Oh wait, I have my dad.  Daddy knows better than anyone else what this is like and he has battled (yes battled) diabetes for 52 years.  When I told him my latest BG average (called an A1c), he was so proud and so excited and "a little less worried about [me]".

Moral of the story?  Adios Taco Bueno!  And most of the other unhealthy things I love.  And I'm going to have to spend more time in the kitchen.  And I've got to kick my next A1c in the pants and prove to her that I am working hard.  And I hope they find a cure soon, because though my children are no more likely than a non-diabetic's to get diagnosed, my children will still be carriers, and I would be beside myself if one of them, or one of my grandchildren, was to go through what I go through every minute of my life.

becoming a blogger

I decided many months ago that I wanted to start a blog, but never got started because, let's face it, ANY and all time I had away from school and awake was spent doing absolutely nothing.  During the school year, being a teacher uses up 110% of my time and energy and I have little motivation left for anything else.  I am hoping and praying that this summer and next school-year I can re-focus my energies back into taking better care of myself and my husband (oh and our sweet puppy dog!).

I wanted to blog because...

it's an amazing form of technology, and not only do I love technology...

I love expressing myself this way!  I had a xanga back in the day (remember those?!), which actually still is viewable, to my recent surprise! http://serendipity712.xanga.com/
**sidenote: last entry is dated November 27, 2006 - Louis and I officially started dating on November 30, 2006. hmm...**

in finding my old xanga, I realized that it gives an interesting opportunity to look back and see how much I have changed in the last 5 years, and since I have a poor memory (already!) I must keep record if I ever want to be intro/retrospective! (hence the pensieve!)

this summer I hope to finally get A LOT done in decorating/redoing our house.  We bought it Nov. 2009 and I've worked the whole time and have not been able to devote entire days and weeks to the amount of sanding/painting/refinishing/nailing that needs to be done.  I am hoping that by posting some of my plans and eventual progress on here I can get the accountability and motivation I need!

these last 3 years of marriage to Louis have been, well, the most incredible gift of all time, and a time of enormous changes, struggles, blessings, highs, and lows, and as we continue our journey together, I want to document it all!

Hopefully I can stick with this!  I'll post my "to REdo" list for the house soon, just so you can get all excited about the changes to come!