How Robin Williams Gave Me Good News

So last night while at dinner with friends we learned that Robin Williams had passed away, unfortunately at his own hand. Now I get sad whenever someone you feel like you know and love dies, and especially so when they do it to themself, whether intentionally or not (I also think of Cory Monteith, Whitney Houston, & Heath Ledger). But last night it really hit me hard! I was in tears on the way home & again this morning. Every time I read something I got more upset. And although I am empathetic to an extreme, that's not necessarily normal. Which kind of gave me a clue that something might be going on. 

Today was the earliest I could possibly get a positive test, so I had been waiting until today (shockingly- usually I test even if it's likely to be too early to tell). And I'm pregnant. And this time my emotional response is so complicated I don't even know how I'm feeling. Relived. Excited. Hopeful. Nervous. Scared. Realistic. Impatient. Happy. I already texted both of our families the news because even though it's a lame way to share, I wanted them to know immediately so they could be praying. Because I'm still not good at that. 

Part of me wants to start looking at nursery stuff and narrowing down the list of names (innocent stuff, right?)(and surely everything will be fine this time, right?), but another part of me doesn't want to do anything but act completely normal and uninterested until we know everything is good. I know girls who have had multiple miscarriages. I know girls who have had multiple after a successful pregnancy. And that possibility is terrifying. But that just isn't my personality. I can't not hope. I can't not dream. I can't not look at all the old wives tales to predict what the gender is before we find out for real. I can't not wonder if he/she'll be another mini-me with Louis' crazy boy personality, or if he/she'll look more like him but be calm and meek. We're due around April 22nd (by my calculations), so baby will come by the 15th but hopefully after the 8th. Personally I'd like 4/11/15 or 4/15/15, but we all know how my plans work out...

I am not sure yet when we'll share publically. Probably when it feels right. Definitely after 8 weeks but I don't know if we'll wait til after 12 or not. We'll see.

Next: The Man Who Got Me Pregnant