Laying it all on the changing table

Well here it is. Sixteen blog posts written over the past seventeen weeks documenting our journey to this baby.  Today I would have been 38 weeks pregnant and probably expecting to meet our daughter in the next few days, so it felt like a good day to share this baby girl's story so far.

Start here:

Starting Again

Green olive

8.5 weeks

Today we are 9 weeks and 5 days along. Baby is not quite an inch long (aka a green olive, grape, or wild strawberry, depending on which app you follow) and not quite an oz in weight. We have had 7 week and 8.5 week appointments, and this week we'll have a 10 week appointment. Next will come one or two 12 week appointments. Everything has looked great both times, and after last weeks sonogram I started looking for the heartbeat with our home doppler, and found it almost immediately. I have been listening in once or twice a day since just to check in. I absolutely love that sound and breathe so much easier after hearing it! After my appointment on Wednesday I'll have my blood drawn for the gender test, and we'll have the results within a week, sooner if we're lucky! 

It is kind of exciting and wonderful to be a week away from finding out the gender, and only days away from feeling like we're in the safe zone, but it's still more complicated than that, you know? We would have met our baby girl in about 3 weeks. I will have this baby within a week or two of the one year anniversary of our miscarriage. Which is kind of cosmically purposeful I think. I knew I'd be feeling more optimistic (and stable, frankly) the closer we got to 12 weeks, and so far that's true. I've also had a couple amazing weeks in counseling, that led to some huge realizations. Even though I don't know where I'm going with the new information, the knowledge has already made a difference. 

I haven't physically been feeling any better yet, but I know that soon I will be and that will help too. School, housekeeping, and mommyhood will all be easier soon! 

Speaking of, Carter is such a big guy. Today he ran a fever just in the morning so we stayed home and just hung out in our pjs all day, and so many things he did made me marvel at him. Not to mention the fact that he has been crawling out of his crib every morning and sometimes after naps, so tonight he's sleeping in the toddler bed version of his crib (fingers crossed)! I think I definitely could have managed a newborn right now, knowing what he's like! He will be even better in the spring and will be such a good helper. He will rub my tummy if you ask where mommas baby is, and will give the baby a kiss when prompted (and in the mood for tricks). Such a fun stage! (Not so fun is the wrestling match we had this evening on the kitchen floor as I tried to undress him before he ate spaghetti, but oh well, it's still two steps forward and one step back!)

Next: Weirdness

The cat is out of the bag, sort of

So I have never felt this sick and miserable in my life. Oh wait yes I did, 6 months ago!! 

It comes and goes. Sometimes food or water makes it better, sometimes it makes it worse. Sometimes laying down is the best course of action. Sometimes I need to get up and get busy and distract myself. Today I have had all of those situations. Woke up, took my zofran (that I started needing over a week ago), and ate a little something and still had to lay down after my shower. Went to school and ate a little something else and initially felt ok but the longer I sat there the worse it got. Then I got busy running around and I was fine. Then I got home and was starving so I ate, and now I'm back on the couch. 

For some people they are so sick (vomit-wise) they lose weight and get dehydrated. For me, I have trouble functioning because I'm everything but vomit-y. Like seasickness, vertigo, and a migraine all at once. I haven't thrown up yet, and will try not to, but I just want to 99% of the time. And I am completely intolerant of temperature- go from freezing to sweating in seconds. I'm basically getting the flu. For hopefully only 6-8 weeks. 

Thanks to all this mess I told everyone at school today. Yes it is super early. Yes I may be eating my words in the next 6 weeks. But it was going to come out anyway when they saw me laying on the floor or breathing deeply through my nose while sipping water and eating animal crackers (because salt makes me sicker). And I was also wearing my sea bands, because 2 zofran hadn't done much.

And you know what? I'm still so happy. Still scared and terrified and anxious and worried and nervous (yes those are all pretty much the same), but excited. Hopeful. Frustrated that my appointment got pushed back 5 days, but I can make it!

Next: Blueberry