Thursday, February 28, 2013

I Love...

Honchito (my made up spanish for little boss) has been in our lives for 100 days today and in honor of the occasion I came up with 50 things I love about him!

I love...
1-10. His tiny fingers, toes, his big blue eyes, looong eyelashes, semi-bald head, big belly, his hand size booty (seriously, fits right in my hand!), perfect skin, sweet smell, BIG smiles
11.  How tightly he grips my shirt
12.  When he pulls my hair
13.  When he smiles so hard his eyes crinkle shut
14.  His almost laugh
15.  When he chuckles in his sleep
16.  Kissing his cheeks
17.  How much he loves reading “Brown Bear, Brown Bear”
18.  Snuggling with him
19.  That he slept in our arms almost exclusively the first 6 weeks
20.  When he looks like Louis
21.  When he looks like me
22.  That I made him (!)
23.  That God gave the perfect gift to us at the perfect time
24.  That he has discovered he can control his hands
25.  Reading to him in his rocker
26.  How tiny his socks are (and some still aren’t tiny enough)
27.  That his eyes follow me when I walk away
28.  How strong he is
29.  When he really cries- like the “waaaaa”- so cute!
30.  His pouty face (one of the things he got from me)
31.  How much he loves baths
32.  Dressing him up like a little man
33.  Skin to skin time
34.  How he smiles at Sadie dog
35.  When his tummy is full & his whole body goes limp
36.  When he's upset but calms down the second we snuggle him
37.  When he kicks & waves his arms with a look of intense concentration
38.  When he rests his hands on his tummy
39.  When he stares at something & you can just see the gears working in his head
40.  When he looks at something & smiles like it’s the coolest thing he's ever seen
41.  That he is such an easy going guy!
42.  That even when I feel cabin feverish, I know that I am doing what God made me for & I delight in that
43.  When he is startled & his hands fly up like a wizard or orchestra conductor
44.  That Sadie's barking doesn't faze him because he heard her barking for months before he was born 
45.  What he has brought out in Louis
46.  That despite my diabetes he is perfect, not too small at all!
47.  And because of my diabetes I got to meet him 13 days early! (assuming he came on my due date)
48.  Dreaming about his future
49.  That (God willing!) he is the first of several children we will have & I can't wait to have more
50.  That he is mine!

Thursday, February 7, 2013

God is still in control... (Carter's birth story)



So if you know me well (or if you read the story of how Carter came to be), you know that I prefer to be in control and I always love a plan!  And as surprisingly as Carter was created, his birth was just as exciting, if not more so. (btw I started writing this before Christmas, and am just now finishing!)(and sorry, it's super long because I knew if I didn't write it now I wouldn't remember it!)

I had heard conflicting opinions throughout my pregnancy as far as when he would arrive, although everyone agreed that making it to 40 weeks was not an option.  Everything went SO well though, the entire time, that I made it to 37 weeks with no issues and the perinatologist said I should deliver in my 38th week, could wait til 39, but she didn’t want to get too close to 40.  My ob was going to be out of town for my 38th week though, so we scheduled my induction for the day she got back, the day before I was 39 weeks, so Carter’s birthday would be November 25th.  Yay, we have a plan, I can tell people the plan, I can use the plan to make other plans (schedule house cleaners and carpet cleaners, have Thanksgiving at my parents, etc.).  But I should have known that God had his own plan. 

Two Tuesdays before Thanksgiving, Louis’ grandmother Marianne passed away, so he was in Sweetwater from Wednesday through Friday to be with his family.  We agreed that I shouldn’t travel (the hospital in Sweetwater is sub-par, and Abilene is better but still not my preference), but Louis didn’t want me to be alone so he sent me to my parents until he got back, which was a lot of fun really.  I felt like Annie in Father of the Bride 2 when Bryan goes to Tokyo (?), but was praying we didn’t have the same outcome with Louis running into the delivery room at the last minute!  The whole time I was at my parents, and the weekend after, I was fighting my blood sugar.  Usually I’m trying to keep it down, but I was constantly snacking trying to keep it up!  At some point I ate an entire meal and didn’t take any insulin, and afterward my blood sugar was perfect (this is not normal for me, especially while pregnant).  On Sunday I finally put it all together.  During the 3rd trimester of pregnancy the placenta secretes a hormone that messes with the efficacy of insulin, bad enough to cause some women to have gestational diabetes, and in my case, causing me to increase my insulin dosages.  If I was no longer needing the big doses, of insulin, then my placenta was no longer giving off the same amount of hormone, indicating placenta failure/deterioration.  (Which is normal… at 40-42+ weeks, not at 38) I called the after-hours line for the ob and talked to the doc, and she recommended I talk to the perinatologist on Monday.  Well I called the perinatologist’s office, and they said the ob had to refer me if they were to make me an appointment (even though I already  had one scheduled for the next day!).  So then I called the ob, and they set me up an appointment with the Nurse Practioner, whom I love, but when I saw her and explained the problem, she immediately said she didn’t feel qualified to take care of me, so she sent me to an ob who had an opening (remember my ob is out of town), and then that ob said basically the same thing, and said I needed to see the perinatologist (umm DUH that was what I wanted from the beginning)!  Anyway, he fit me in, heard my story, did an ultrasound, agreed with/confirmed my instinct, and said that even though we had a 1 in 1000 chance of having a problem in the next 6 days, there was a smaller chance of Carter needing NICU time, and it was worth that risk to get him out early.  He sent me home to get my stuff in order and told me the nurse would call with my check-in time in the next hour or so!

Well OK, we are having a baby tomorrow!  I called Louis who got on the train, I called my mom, and texted my sister so she could hit the road from Abilene, and drove home to finish packing.  We got all of our stuff together and got back to the hospital where they admitted me and started an IV and put me on the fetal monitors and gave me a drug to start the process.  My family came for a quick visit and then Louis and I tried (and mostly failed) to get some sleep.  Of course they woke me up frequently to check my blood pressure and temperature, and every several hours to see if I had made any progress, and also several times to check my blood sugar.

Anyway, we woke up before 7 the next morning and we packed up our stuff to get transferred from the 4th floor down to the ground floor where Labor & Delivery is.  We met our awesome L&D nurse Katie, and they started me on pitocin!  I was barely dilated (1 “and a wiggle”) when we started, and at 10:00 when they checked me again I was all the way to 2 =/ So the doc came into break my water.  Now remember how my doc is out of town?  Well LUCKILY the ob on call was AMAZING.  She was very nice / kind / compassionate and communicated well with me.  I felt very comfortable with her taking care of us. So she examines me (awful) and breaks my water (SO weird), and pretty quickly the contractions that had been no big deal all morning got more intense.  Still something I could handle, but definitely started having to breathe a little bit.  Katie let me know that as soon as I felt like I might want the epidural to let her know, because the anesthesiologist would take a while to get down to us and to get prepped and then for it to kick in, so she didn’t want me climbing the walls and then let her know.  The anesthesiologist happened to be around the corner, so I let her know that whenever he was finished he could come take care of me.  Another awful part… because 1) they kick the husbands out, 2) I had no idea what to expect, 3) the anesthesiologist had a weird bedside manner and poor communication (he asked me if he was hurting me at some point… umm yes?!  I never knew what he meant or if I wasn’t supposed to be hurting at that point), 4) my blood pressure bottomed out near the end and I felt like I was going to faint so they had to lay me down and squeeze a bag of fluid in.  The pain was manageable, but the whole thing stressed me out.  I thinking I started crying when the ob examined me before she broke my water, and I don’t think I really stopped until the epidural kicked in… I started because of the pain but then I was just so anxious I couldn’t stop.  BUT when the drugs did kick in?  Smooth sailing!  Never felt another contraction or cervix check!  

Unfortunately sometime after that Katie noticed that after every contraction Carter’s heart rate dropped.  She had me roll over, roll the other way, lay on my back, check my blood sugar, lower the pitocin, stop the pitocin - basically try anything, but it kept happening.  At about 2:00 (7 hours on pitocin, 3 hours on the epidural), she explained that she was going to go grab the doc, because if the baby couldn’t handle this amount of stress, the stress of labor really wouldn’t be good.  Doc examined me (I was dilated to a 3), checked the fetal monitor and agreed.  She said the heart rate wasn’t bad by itself, nor was the super slow progression, but together they didn’t make for a rosy outlook.  My Bishop’s score was a 4 when we started, making a successful induction more difficult (best is 7+).  She recommended a c-section.  I suppose I had a choice but when the baby’s well being is jeopardized, I don’t know who would say no!  We had that conversation around 2:45 & he was born at 3:14!  She warned me that they would be moving very quickly, but not because there was any kind of emergency, but because the OR & necessary people were all available and ready.  I think they wheeled me in around 3:00, prepped me & then began.  It’s crazy because it actually would have been over even sooner except that Carter has a huge noggin, and it was in there kind of wonky & caught on my pelvis, so after trying to get him out through the original incision they stopped, cut another inch, and then he came out!  The doc told me afterward that he may have never come out vaginally because of how his head was situated (so thank you God for sending me in to the c-section before I labored all the way & pushed for several hours…)!  The c-section was no big deal, though I did feel sort of detached from the birth since I didn’t do any work.  I cried the whole time, but that was just my reaction to the stress & fear.  For whatever reason I had not considered a c-section so I was processing that, & that my baby was minutes away from birth, & that two docs are chatting while my insides are open & I can feel them touching and pushing, but no pain.  The sweet anesthesia nurse petted my head the whole time!  Anyway, he popped out & they cleaned him up & I got to hold him one handed for a couple minutes.  Here comes my only complaint with the whole experience: they took him away at that point and I didn’t get to see him until almost 3 hours later.  The thing was that they needed to monitor his blood sugar – babies born to diabetic moms often have super low sugars and have to be given sugar water – so they took him up to the nursery to do that.  His sugar was fine, great, normal actually, BUT they couldn’t bring him back down to L&D, he had to stay on the recovery floor until I got up there.  Fine, except that I couldn’t go up to recovery until I could move my feet, a process which took a couple hours.  So I was stuck in L&D with my dad, Louis was stuck outside the nursery watching Carter, and my mom and sisters floated back and forth.  So of course I got up there around 6:00, they brought him to me, and by then not only had I not gotten to hold him, no one else really had either.  So Louis and I held him a bit, then he got passed around to my family.  Then Louis’ family arrived and he got passed around to all of them.  Which is not a problem at all, we’d all been waiting to meet this kid for months, but Carter and I didn’t get skin to skin time until 10:00 I think.  I think I was in shock, because that didn’t bother me at the time and my face is hilarious in all the pictures.  I don’t look happy at all, I think because my kid was born in like 15 minutes and I hadn’t really accepted that he was HERE.  That first night I kept him for awhile but then sent him to the nursery so I could get a few hours sleep without feeling like I needed to watch him breathe.  That second night I held him the entire night and just stared.   That is when I think we really bonded.  Next time I will insist that they monitor baby’s sugar wherever I am and not take it away, and I want skin to skin time within the hour, and if I have a c-section the baby will stay with me that whole time we’re waiting for my feet to come back to life and we can bond and then the rest of the world can have at it.

I’m not saying it was like the most exciting birth of all time (except that fact that it was my first!), because babies are born in cars and planes and in bathtubs, and I’m pretty sure few births are completely without surprises, but it certainly was nothing like I expected.  But it was wonderful!  Louis was amazing and only left the hospital once in 6 days.  My family was great, took care of Sadie, brought us non-hospital meals (because the hospitals definition of a diabetic menu is not the same as mine), came once or twice a day to hang out, Kara even gave me a shower and a pedicure, and thanks to the timing Macy got to be there and stay for a week after!  Louis’ family got to come even on very short notice when the plan changed.  I don’t know if next time we’ll do a scheduled c-section or a VBAC (I haven’t even asked), but I did learn a few things and know better to expect next time either way.  My pregnancy was great, the labor was fine, the recovery manageable, and motherhood has been nothing short of the best thing ever, so we’ll definitely do it all again, sooner or later!