Based off a recent discussion Louis and I had... What do you call the fuzzy stuff between your toes after wearing socks? (Actually this doesn't happen to me anymore, we were giving Carter a bath and he was the owner of the toes in question). Louis calls it lint. But I call what's in your (or your baby's) belly button lint, and I call the fuzz between his toes, toe jam. It seems cuter that way. I know it doesn't make sense because there is nothing jam-like about it, it is much more linty... But I'm right, right? :) Now on to the real topic...
Why do I do it? Why do you do it? I think it started innocent enough freshman year of college- a way to connect with people who I had been separated from. But lately, I had become obsessed with it. Not with posting, no one wants to see what I think a dozen times a day. I try to do once a day or less, and looking at February I posted a status or picture 7 times in 16 days. Ok, not bad at all. But I was checking it constantly. Like every time I turned my phone on. Which when you are pumping breastmilk or have a child who insisted on being held 99% of his first 8 weeks of life, you have a lot of sitting still time. I think that's when it started. I'd be stuck pumping (with no tv) or holding a sleeping baby and whatever was on tv wasn't engaging enough (love Friends but I've seen them all a dozen times at this point) so I'd check twitter, Facebook, Pinterest, and Instagram. And the downward spiral began. Even when Carter would let me put him down for a nap or to play, I'd still have my trusty iPhone in hand. On days when I had something to do (with a deadline), I could easily get it done and not check my phone once. But when I intended to do chores or something, I'd look up and an hour would have flown by with nothing done.
And the worst part of this addiction? Facebook had become the ruler by which I measured my happiness. Let's be honest, I have an incredible life. Best husband, baby, puppy dog, sisters, parents, and friends in the world. (Especially the baby)(I made him so I know he's awesome) I have more than I could ever need, and any problems I have are first world problems. And yet I saw others' posts and pictures and found myself discontent. And either fixated on that or insulted them (in my head) to feel better. Like "well they have an awesome _____ but _____ would drive me crazy!" It was bad. Somehow even though Pinterest is the website where you find recipes for meals you'll never make, crafts you'll never do, to decorate a house you'll never afford, after marrying the perfect man who doesn't exist, in the wedding you'll never have... I can keep my pinning under control, and don't feel like less of a person, woman, wife, or mother. But Facebook... Left me teeming with self doubt. So I gave it up.
I'm not catholic, but Louis was brought up that way, and even though we go to a Church of Christ, I think he has observed Lent every year we've been together. I can't remember what he gave up this year, but I decided to participate this time, and gave up a few things. Firstly, Facebook & Instagram. I will give a shout out to my friends Megan H & Blair G. They gave up Facebook also & inspired me to take the plunge. Also, language- all the way from the dirty word I use when I get cut off on LBJ to even saying stupid (that wont fly once little guy starts repeating everything we say). And what I listen to in the car. I gave up all radio stations besides the Christian one.
Have I been perfect? No. I deleted the Facebook & Instagram apps off my phone but if I get an email about being tagged in something then I'll log on real quick to approve it. And I've looked too for people's birthdays, or to read someone's baby news. And I've let a few words slip that I shouldn't have. But I haven't changed the radio in my car!
Easter is in about a week and I haven't exactly decided what I'll do when Lent is over. Obviously I need to continue to tame my tongue. And I really have been blessed by listening to 94.9. I've caught myself singing some of the songs in the middle of the day. That's another one I'd like to continue for the most part, especially since "little pitchers have big ears". It might be entertaining for Carter to know every word to a pop song, but probably not beneficial educationally or spiritually...
But Facebook? Can I give it up? I'm not sure. Well I lie, I COULD. But should I? It has its perks. But it makes me nervous that the devil uses it to plant seeds of self doubt and envy in my heart. I guess what I really need to do is continue praying that the Lord give me peace in the gifts I have been given. And then I can be on Facebook freely, and appreciate the good things happening to my 500 Facebook friends (or however many there are)(I can't get on to check, remember?) I know with information being so readily available in today's world that this will be a constant battle. Though I will take comfort in the fact that the phrase "keeping up with the Joneses" is not a new one, and one of the Ten Commandments is to not covet. I guess Moses' neighbors were over worried about what each other had as well!
I'm a work in progress. Pray for me :)
Oh, honey, I'm right there with you. On all of it. It's hard because it's some of the only human interaction we as stay-at-home moms get, albeit skewed. Now that Garrett is a bit older and more in tune to what's going on, I am able to set more limits for myself. I don't get online with him around ... usually. But I do a WHOLE lot during his nap time when I should be productive with my to do list. Enter, Mommy Guilt. That's what all of this boils down to. Find the balance that works for you, and don't beat yourself up too much about it. We're all in this together (yes, I just busted out some High School Musical moves). :)
ReplyDeleteYou know, until you said it was HSM it didn't click, and now every time I read that I sing it in my head. Thanks a lot ;)
DeleteSo I am hoping this posts where you can read it and then won't post on Facebook. This was a great post! Thanks for your transparency. I too spend WAY too much time on Facebook and am asking God to help me in my self discipline. I justify a lot of it by thinking I am finding things to pray about or encourage people. In terms of your music, have you ever seen this site http://www.thechristianmusicdiet.com? Once I did this, I never went back. In terms of your words, I would guess that comes from hearing those words somewhere. It is really hard to guard our heart from them these days. I am not perfect their either and the minute one comes out of my mouth I ask God for forgiveness and the Holy Spirit for His help in taming them. What is evident in your post is your love for God and your son. I have no doubt he will continue to do a good work in you. Hugs!
ReplyDeleteThanks for your encouragement! I like what you said about using Facebook as a avenue to prayer... it would take some time to rewire my brain to think that way but I like it! I hadn't heard of that website! I definitely need to look into it!
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