I really LOVED being pregnant. Don't get me wrong, it was not an "easy" pregnancy, but I handled it well. I had the nausea, and exhaustion (but teachers are used to being exhausted so whatevs), and the swollen feet, and my back hurt from sleeping differently, and I had a lot of pain from my gallbladder. Carter was head down by 28 weeks so he head butted my bladder and kicked my ribs for 10 weeks... I went to 37 pregnancy related doctors appointments between getting my retinas checked each trimester for signs of retinopathy, seeing my endocrinologist monthly, seeing the ob and perinatologist monthly, then bi monthly, then weekly... BUT STILL. I LOVED IT. I was overjoyed to be pregnant, and though we were "trying" for 9 months, I had been prepping my body for almost two years when I got pregnant. And Louis and I had been talking about our family since a few months into dating. I missed being pregnant before I had even fully recovered from my c-section. And I've known most of my life that above all else I wanted to be a mom. I really did try not to take any day for granted or complain. There are too many people that would love to be swollen or nauseated for me to ask for sympathy. (Also how I feel about parenting in general- it is one thing to whine to your closest buddies, but I don't think Facebook is a place for complaining about your children. I personally know plenty of people whose fertility issues (mine withstanding) make me sensitive to what I say.) Could the sheer joy and beauty of being pregnant make the Duggar family look appealing? To me, yes!
Anyway. One of my reasons, and this may be odd to some of you, is that I am bored. Carter has been a pro at independent play his whole life, and does not care if I'm there or not. He does not sit still for reading books, or putting puzzles together, or walking around pointing out new things. No this boy wants to be down, running around, climbing, destroying, moving, banging, throwing, knocking down and generally causing havoc. ;) BUT at the same time, I can't exactly leave him alone for long for me to do anything, so I sit in his playroom a lot. Now you might say, "get a hobby", "read a book", "there are cheaper forms of entertainment than a child", which might be true...
I'm also ready for a do-over. I want to try again at this whole baby thing and see if I can do better! And do it before I forget the first round of mistakes. I mean this somewhat jokingly, but also not.
I'm also ready to have two of the cutest kids on the planet. Seriously, if your child was as cute as mine, with the cheekies, and the waves, and the lashes and blue eyes, wouldn't you want to duplicate that?!
I also want Carter to start being a brother and sharing before he's old enough to get more needy/spoiled/selfish. Again, kinda joking, but not. The earlier I can work another kid into the mix the less he'll remember about the good old days when he was my one and only. He's already a mommas boy, and as sweet as it is for him to want me and only me to put him to sleep or hold him when he's sick or hurt, that's just not going to fly long term kid! The ob told me that the advice of the American Academy of Whoevers is to have your children no less than 18 months apart. Best health for everyone involved. Now obviously that is not a rule, the term Irish twins exists for a reason, but I thought it sounded good, and so that was kind of my goal. Knowing full well that I do not conceive easily we never prevented and would have been happy to get two that close. Crazy, exhausted, but happy. And though now it looks like they will be more like 2 years apart, I am 25 months older than my sister and the gap works beautifully for us!
I don't know if I can explain it better than that. I'm ready. I want it. I will be sad if this doesn't work and I have to wait longer. Although I've said several times that I will have a horde of kids whatever it takes, and adoption is not out of the question for us, but I really would like to be pregnant at least twice more. Hopefully I'll get to!
Next: Irony
Next: Irony
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