Reflections

Today I am 5 weeks. I've had 8 days, about 10 pregnancy tests and two rounds of bloodwork to help process this and I'm much less teary than I was even before Monday.

My HCG was 90 on Tuesday and 498 on Friday, so it is increasing nicely. So far so good. Next Friday the 29th I should have my first appointment with an ultrasound. Won't see much but will be a little more assurance that things are developing as they should. 

Today I've started feeling weird. Not pregnant per se, but certain body parts are sensitive (ahem) and I've been dizzy/lightheaded, exhausted, and had bouts of nausea. We had Mexican for dinner and I felt so yucky afterward. Salty foods really affected me with baby girl, so maybe this time will be similar. 

School starts for me in less than a week, and in about two weeks for the kiddos. I am super super excited and am loving to get organized and pulling ideas and resources. I am meeting with the 4s teachers on Friday and am hopeful to get some good planning done and then will feel a little more prepared. 

I am feeling more centered and calm about these big changes. Trying still not to be consumed with thoughts of the future or specifically with worry, but I am finding myself thinking of the next 9 months with the assumption that there will be a baby at the end. Thinking that by Halloween we will be public with our news. At my sister's and Louis' brother's weddings we will be halfway along or more. That I will do my end of year assessment in April and that I need not be looking for a May field trip idea for school because I won't be there. 

I feel like that's something that will be difficult to adjust to if something changes (just like all of our plans from April-onward have had to change), but it is just the way I am and is probably a better way of approaching it for me. Although part of me is going to be waiting for the other shoe to drop for the next two months, I need to assume everything is going to be perfect and just keep myself busy with school and my precious boy. I also need to remember that I would survive another loss, and we would try again, and if we need to we will adopt. I will have a horde of kiddos. I will!

Next: The cat is out of the bag